Single parents have in recent years become some of the most vilified members of our society fuelled by the press single parents are in some peoples eyes responsible for all the ills of the whole world!!!!!!
Myth most single parents did NOT decide to become a single parent as a career choice.
Myth most single parents dont sit around idle all day.
Myth most single parents do not go out and spend all of their benefit money on nights out.
In reality there is little research done to evidence the myth other than scaremongering when there is a story in the papers which "fits" the myth.
Have you noticed how Government ministers always draw up plans to withdraw benefits ie housing benefit, income support, jobseekers allowance etc, hmmmm judgemental and biased to say the least, I have yet to hear what they plan to do to a 2 parent family who own their own house but have a wayward teen/young adult?
Makes you think doesnt it.
Anti social behaviour is caused by a lot of different factors BUT it is NOT caused by single parents alone, of course it is ridiculous to suggest that non of the antisocial behavour comes from children of single parents but it is equally ridiculous to assume that non comes from a 2 paernt families child.
We meet single parents day in and day out who are wonderful parents, they are stuggling to cope primarily because this Government refuses to aknowledge the unique difficulties that single parents face when trying to secure employment, do they relaise that childcare for over 8`s is virtually non exsitant?
Where does a parent leave a child then once they reach 8 years, this Government would have you believe that is oh so simple, you rely on grandparents, friends etc, well that doesnt work for everyone, not everyone has parents and not everyone has a friend who doesnt work and who is willing to take a child for 13 weeks of the year while they are on school holidays, yes that sounds a lot doesnt it and for some single parents it has pushed them to breaking point, they dont know which way to turn, even those who have been in employment for a number of years are finding that they are having to cease working for lack of childcare once thier child reaches 8 years old!!!!!!
The pressure on parents as a whole has never been greater but on single parents it is becoming unbearable, something has to give.
There has been talk in recent months of schools opening for longer and possibly through the summer, hmmmm again would the children of single parents be forced to attend these after school and summer schools whilst the child of a 2 parent family doesnt have to?
No one seems willing to answer this question.
Single parents want help to make life better BUT not at the expense of never seeing their children, lets not forget that most single parents didnt actually want to be single parents and take their responsibilities towards their children very seriously, they put them 1st and MUST feel comfortable with any arrangements made for their childs care and wellbeing.
They dont want or expect specail treatment just fairness and for each case to be looked at individually as one size certainly does not fit all.
Interestingly this story appeared after I typed this page but I will include it now, it makes for interesting reading and backs up what we already know.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2178718/90-primary-pupils-sent-home-day-attacks-class-Shocking-figures-reveal-rising-school-violence.html
The biggest problem in my opinion is that a Governments have eroded parental rights, teachers rights and Police rights, basically we now have a system where the children in the UK rule us, this simply doesnt work for anyone, children thrive and actually like to have firm boundaries set, we need to get back to a system where the adults are in charge and not this topsy turvy way we have drifted into!!!!!
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Who do we help
We will help anyone who is in need.
We have found that many of the larger organisations which are both well funded and well supported tend to have a lot of form filling before help can be obtained, this isnt to say they dont do a good job, however if you have a family who have no food or an person who needs food in order to take medication and they dont have any then it is ridiculous to ask these people to fill in forms to see if the fit the criteria.
We are often asked how we decide who to help, simple answer we will help anyone who needs it, it can be something as simple as sitting down with someone over a cup of tea/coffee and just listening to them while they talk through their day, week or sometimes they talk through their whole life, they dont want a magic wand waving and everything in the garden to be rosy, all these people really want is for someone to listen.
To give someone just a little of your time can make all the difference.
It is a very sad fact that loneliness is a killer and sometimes it is recognised that older people do get lonely and that is in the process of being addressed with a dedicated phone line being set up so that people of retirement age can call someone and be able to talk.
What appears to be little understood is that anyone can be lonely, and it is for that reason that we exclude no one and try our very best to include everyone.
My friend and I were walking through our city about 3 years ago now and right in front of us a man fell over, the street was full of people yet it was left to my friend and I to pick this man up and sit him on a bench, shocking isnt it!!!!!!!!!!
Why was this man who obviously needed help ignored, walked around and left by others, quite simply because he was a homeless man, he is a human being just like you and I and he needed help, thats all my friend and I saw.
Others saw the dirty clothes, the looks we got off people haunt me to this day, they looked at us as though we were mad, why would we want to help this man, they really didnt understand and IF they had helped him then they have to face an uncomfortable truth, this man really does exsist, where if they choose to ignore him then he is invisable!!!!!!!!
This man was lovely, yes he had "issues" but what none of the people who passed him by will ever know is that his partner had died less than 24 hours before, this man was devastated and didnt know what to do or how to begin to cope.
We sat him down and while my friend talked to him I went and got him a sandwich and a hot drink, we were then joined by a couple more homeless men who also wanted to tell us their story, the one that stood out most was the man who had had his own business as a landscape gardener, own home, beautiful wife and life was perfect, his beautiful wife then got cancer and sadly she died, the man couldnt cope, lost his business the his home and found himself on the streets where he turned to alcohol as a means of escape, an absolute tragedy.
The man who`s wife had died wasnt as engrained into the homeless world as the other 2 but there is little or no support out there for men like this, he should have recieved support way before he lost everything but didnt, the chances are that he will still be on the streets today.
People can be so judgemental re homelessness, I do hope they read my blog, if it makes one person stop and think the next time they cross over the street to avoid someone like the men we met that day then it will have been worth my writing this whole blog.
The one common thing that all of these men said they missed was human contact, you know a good old fashioned cuddle, not a lot to ask is it.
None of the men that day asked us for anything at all apart from a cuddle and a conversation which we glady gave, we stayed with them for about 2 hours.
We have found that many of the larger organisations which are both well funded and well supported tend to have a lot of form filling before help can be obtained, this isnt to say they dont do a good job, however if you have a family who have no food or an person who needs food in order to take medication and they dont have any then it is ridiculous to ask these people to fill in forms to see if the fit the criteria.
We are often asked how we decide who to help, simple answer we will help anyone who needs it, it can be something as simple as sitting down with someone over a cup of tea/coffee and just listening to them while they talk through their day, week or sometimes they talk through their whole life, they dont want a magic wand waving and everything in the garden to be rosy, all these people really want is for someone to listen.
To give someone just a little of your time can make all the difference.
It is a very sad fact that loneliness is a killer and sometimes it is recognised that older people do get lonely and that is in the process of being addressed with a dedicated phone line being set up so that people of retirement age can call someone and be able to talk.
What appears to be little understood is that anyone can be lonely, and it is for that reason that we exclude no one and try our very best to include everyone.
My friend and I were walking through our city about 3 years ago now and right in front of us a man fell over, the street was full of people yet it was left to my friend and I to pick this man up and sit him on a bench, shocking isnt it!!!!!!!!!!
Why was this man who obviously needed help ignored, walked around and left by others, quite simply because he was a homeless man, he is a human being just like you and I and he needed help, thats all my friend and I saw.
Others saw the dirty clothes, the looks we got off people haunt me to this day, they looked at us as though we were mad, why would we want to help this man, they really didnt understand and IF they had helped him then they have to face an uncomfortable truth, this man really does exsist, where if they choose to ignore him then he is invisable!!!!!!!!
This man was lovely, yes he had "issues" but what none of the people who passed him by will ever know is that his partner had died less than 24 hours before, this man was devastated and didnt know what to do or how to begin to cope.
We sat him down and while my friend talked to him I went and got him a sandwich and a hot drink, we were then joined by a couple more homeless men who also wanted to tell us their story, the one that stood out most was the man who had had his own business as a landscape gardener, own home, beautiful wife and life was perfect, his beautiful wife then got cancer and sadly she died, the man couldnt cope, lost his business the his home and found himself on the streets where he turned to alcohol as a means of escape, an absolute tragedy.
The man who`s wife had died wasnt as engrained into the homeless world as the other 2 but there is little or no support out there for men like this, he should have recieved support way before he lost everything but didnt, the chances are that he will still be on the streets today.
People can be so judgemental re homelessness, I do hope they read my blog, if it makes one person stop and think the next time they cross over the street to avoid someone like the men we met that day then it will have been worth my writing this whole blog.
The one common thing that all of these men said they missed was human contact, you know a good old fashioned cuddle, not a lot to ask is it.
None of the men that day asked us for anything at all apart from a cuddle and a conversation which we glady gave, we stayed with them for about 2 hours.
Helping put a smile on peoples faces
When we began to give out free school uniforms here, we were inundated with requests.
We used various means to communicate that we had them, local schools, local newspapers, freecycle and freegle and also word of mouth.
It took off in a big way and very quickly.
We lugged bin bags to coffee mornings, we laid them out on the front of our houses on a dry day.
Our aim was that no child should feel excluded or be bullied for lack of a decent clean school uniform, we also wanted to put a smile on a parents face and just ease the burden even if it was a temporary fix.
We soon realised that not only did people appreciate the help with uniforms but the felt comfortable enough to approach us rather than say the headteacher of the school to ask for help, after all we were just like them so the gap between school and parents with difficulties was bridged by us, that wasn`t something we had anticipated would happen but it was fine with us that it worked that way.
Parents would call for uniforms and while with us would ask for all manner of advice and we would signpost them in the direction of help or would make a phone call for them.
We had headteachers call us to ask for help and one that stays with me is the call we recieved to say that some of the children in this heads school not only didnt have uniforms but also didnt have any underwear, yes right here in the UK there are children that go to school but they dont have underwear.
We did have some donations which people had given when recieving their uniforms so we went and purchased a variety of both boys and girls underwear in various sizes and we took them to the school were the head cried and so did we!!!!!!!!!
We have also had occasions were a parent has had a child return from school with holes in their shoes so we go and buy the shoes for the child, we never give money out to anyone and they have all to date been fine with that.
We have also found that the people we help always want to pay if forward and so many of them have done so, that is a wonderful thing to see when a family who has struggled then help another family with an act of kindness.
We used various means to communicate that we had them, local schools, local newspapers, freecycle and freegle and also word of mouth.
It took off in a big way and very quickly.
We lugged bin bags to coffee mornings, we laid them out on the front of our houses on a dry day.
Our aim was that no child should feel excluded or be bullied for lack of a decent clean school uniform, we also wanted to put a smile on a parents face and just ease the burden even if it was a temporary fix.
We soon realised that not only did people appreciate the help with uniforms but the felt comfortable enough to approach us rather than say the headteacher of the school to ask for help, after all we were just like them so the gap between school and parents with difficulties was bridged by us, that wasn`t something we had anticipated would happen but it was fine with us that it worked that way.
Parents would call for uniforms and while with us would ask for all manner of advice and we would signpost them in the direction of help or would make a phone call for them.
We had headteachers call us to ask for help and one that stays with me is the call we recieved to say that some of the children in this heads school not only didnt have uniforms but also didnt have any underwear, yes right here in the UK there are children that go to school but they dont have underwear.
We did have some donations which people had given when recieving their uniforms so we went and purchased a variety of both boys and girls underwear in various sizes and we took them to the school were the head cried and so did we!!!!!!!!!
We have also had occasions were a parent has had a child return from school with holes in their shoes so we go and buy the shoes for the child, we never give money out to anyone and they have all to date been fine with that.
We have also found that the people we help always want to pay if forward and so many of them have done so, that is a wonderful thing to see when a family who has struggled then help another family with an act of kindness.
Recieving tons of uniforms
My friend and I have 7 children between us, I have 5 and my friend 2.
When we went to shop for school uniforms in the 1st year that we met we we horrified that it cost the best part of £500 to kit out each of 6 children(one being too young for school) and we realised that many other parents must be struggling so we approached all our local primary schools and asked them to ask parents to donate uniforms that were outgrown but in good condition, we started all of this with one very small carrier bag of seconhand uniforms.
It soon became obvious that the need was far larger than we had anticipated so we set out trying to source uniform items, how fortunate we were that a very well known uniform manufacturer listened to us and decided to help.
That was the start of us receiveing everything they couldnt use and when I say everything I mean coats, trousers, rugby shirts, football socks, shirts, dresses, skirts, you name it we had it, not by the single item we had ton after ton of it!!!!!!!
We formulated a plan whereby we took everything out that could be used here for children and the items that had logo`s on that were for schools miles away we contacted various charities who were very happy to take them abroad.
We managed to kit out a whole school in Sierra Leone, some went to children in Nepal, Kenya,Zambia, we also has the honour to be able to give some to the Children of Chernobyl who were over here for respite, these children are brought over to the UK for one month a year and are given fresh fruit and vitamins to try to stave off the lasting effects of the radiation, they are all very pale when they arrive but they thrive off the good food and clean air.
We were invited to go to our local high school where these children would be performing a dance routine for invited guests.
We arrived and nothing can prepare you for the emotional effect of meeting these children, they were so polite, well mannered and all of them smiled.
My friend and I stood and watched the children perform and they were wonderful.
When they had finished, we were called to be presented with a medal by the children to say thank you for helping them by providing a mini bus full of clothes for them to both wear here and to take home with them.
It is difficult to convey how hard it was to accept the medal from the children, we would much rather have been presenting them with one.
That was about 7 years ago now and to this day it is one of my most treasured items, we often wonder how the children we met are doing and how life will turn out for them as they become adults.
When we went to shop for school uniforms in the 1st year that we met we we horrified that it cost the best part of £500 to kit out each of 6 children(one being too young for school) and we realised that many other parents must be struggling so we approached all our local primary schools and asked them to ask parents to donate uniforms that were outgrown but in good condition, we started all of this with one very small carrier bag of seconhand uniforms.
It soon became obvious that the need was far larger than we had anticipated so we set out trying to source uniform items, how fortunate we were that a very well known uniform manufacturer listened to us and decided to help.
That was the start of us receiveing everything they couldnt use and when I say everything I mean coats, trousers, rugby shirts, football socks, shirts, dresses, skirts, you name it we had it, not by the single item we had ton after ton of it!!!!!!!
We formulated a plan whereby we took everything out that could be used here for children and the items that had logo`s on that were for schools miles away we contacted various charities who were very happy to take them abroad.
We managed to kit out a whole school in Sierra Leone, some went to children in Nepal, Kenya,Zambia, we also has the honour to be able to give some to the Children of Chernobyl who were over here for respite, these children are brought over to the UK for one month a year and are given fresh fruit and vitamins to try to stave off the lasting effects of the radiation, they are all very pale when they arrive but they thrive off the good food and clean air.
We were invited to go to our local high school where these children would be performing a dance routine for invited guests.
We arrived and nothing can prepare you for the emotional effect of meeting these children, they were so polite, well mannered and all of them smiled.
My friend and I stood and watched the children perform and they were wonderful.
When they had finished, we were called to be presented with a medal by the children to say thank you for helping them by providing a mini bus full of clothes for them to both wear here and to take home with them.
It is difficult to convey how hard it was to accept the medal from the children, we would much rather have been presenting them with one.
That was about 7 years ago now and to this day it is one of my most treasured items, we often wonder how the children we met are doing and how life will turn out for them as they become adults.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
The beginning
My friend and I started to do what we do almost 9 years ago now.
We met under strange circumstances, her now ex husband who I had known many years earlier as my eldest son had his eldest daughter were at nursery together, fast forward 15 years, this man drove by our house and was asking if anyone had seen his sons bicycle which had been stolen that evening, everyone said they hadnt and that was that, well till 11pm that night when I heard a loud knock at the door, the man from earlier was stood there and started to tell me my name and where I came from, hmmmmm bit of a shock as I didnt recognise him at all.
I did eventually recognise him but it had been 15 years!!!!!
This man became my stalker to the point that I informed a close friend that if anything happened to me then it would be down to him.
One day he brought his wife over and introduced us, she was lovely.
I invited her and her youngest son to my little boys birthday party and at the party I told her that I could only be friends with her if I could be completely honest with her, I then told her that her husband was stalking me, she looked straight at me and said dont worry I am divorcing him he is a bully, from that day on we have had a wonderful friendship and from there we developed what we have done for the last 9 years and still continue to this day.
I should add that the soon to be ex husband blamed me not only for this divorce but also for the 1st one 15 years previously, he to this day takes no responsibility whatsoever for his behaviour towards ladies and has now no contact with his 2 sons which has been 100% his choice, he doesnt know what he is missing both boys are growing into fine young men.
My friend had a terrible time when she 1st left, we managed to secure temporary accomodation and moved her during the day while the husband was out, we used baked bean tins to dismantle bunk beds and moved everything in an old Ford Escort.
One month later after endless phone calls we secured her a house only 4 doors away from me, it was the safest place on earth for her to be as she would have immediate support if it was needed and as was proved it worked very well.
The house had no glass in the windows, no gas no electric and was poorly decorated but we worked hard, I cooked all the meals here and we got a sofa bed which my friend slept on whilst the boys slept in the bunk beds, it might sound terrible to think that someone would live like that but it was heaven on earth for them because they were safe and there is no other feeling like that.
I myself had been both homeless with 2 young children and in a wonens refuge with 3 young children almost 21 years ago now and I always promised that I would give something back for the kindness shown to me at the most difficult times in my life when complete strangers offered me a hand up, I have never and will never forget a single one of them and thank them all from the bottom of my heart for helping me then and for helping me to become who I am today.
We met under strange circumstances, her now ex husband who I had known many years earlier as my eldest son had his eldest daughter were at nursery together, fast forward 15 years, this man drove by our house and was asking if anyone had seen his sons bicycle which had been stolen that evening, everyone said they hadnt and that was that, well till 11pm that night when I heard a loud knock at the door, the man from earlier was stood there and started to tell me my name and where I came from, hmmmmm bit of a shock as I didnt recognise him at all.
I did eventually recognise him but it had been 15 years!!!!!
This man became my stalker to the point that I informed a close friend that if anything happened to me then it would be down to him.
One day he brought his wife over and introduced us, she was lovely.
I invited her and her youngest son to my little boys birthday party and at the party I told her that I could only be friends with her if I could be completely honest with her, I then told her that her husband was stalking me, she looked straight at me and said dont worry I am divorcing him he is a bully, from that day on we have had a wonderful friendship and from there we developed what we have done for the last 9 years and still continue to this day.
I should add that the soon to be ex husband blamed me not only for this divorce but also for the 1st one 15 years previously, he to this day takes no responsibility whatsoever for his behaviour towards ladies and has now no contact with his 2 sons which has been 100% his choice, he doesnt know what he is missing both boys are growing into fine young men.
My friend had a terrible time when she 1st left, we managed to secure temporary accomodation and moved her during the day while the husband was out, we used baked bean tins to dismantle bunk beds and moved everything in an old Ford Escort.
One month later after endless phone calls we secured her a house only 4 doors away from me, it was the safest place on earth for her to be as she would have immediate support if it was needed and as was proved it worked very well.
The house had no glass in the windows, no gas no electric and was poorly decorated but we worked hard, I cooked all the meals here and we got a sofa bed which my friend slept on whilst the boys slept in the bunk beds, it might sound terrible to think that someone would live like that but it was heaven on earth for them because they were safe and there is no other feeling like that.
I myself had been both homeless with 2 young children and in a wonens refuge with 3 young children almost 21 years ago now and I always promised that I would give something back for the kindness shown to me at the most difficult times in my life when complete strangers offered me a hand up, I have never and will never forget a single one of them and thank them all from the bottom of my heart for helping me then and for helping me to become who I am today.
Day 1
The aim of this blog is to try to communicate to anyone who reads just what life is like to be poor in the UK in 2012, to try to dispel some of the myths that have arisen in recent months and to explain how my friend and I help others on a daily basis.
I might not blog every day but you will soon get a picture of who we are and what we do.
I do hope that in writing this it might help even just one person to feel better about their situation no matter what it might be.
Some of the things you read will be difficult to comprehend but every single word will be true.
Please always remember there is help out there for everyone, it isnt always easy to find and definitely isnt easy to ask for, if you cant find the help then ask me and I will try to point you in the right direction.
I might not blog every day but you will soon get a picture of who we are and what we do.
I do hope that in writing this it might help even just one person to feel better about their situation no matter what it might be.
Some of the things you read will be difficult to comprehend but every single word will be true.
Please always remember there is help out there for everyone, it isnt always easy to find and definitely isnt easy to ask for, if you cant find the help then ask me and I will try to point you in the right direction.
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